


Roped in

by m_findlow



Category: Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 00:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13399839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_findlow/pseuds/m_findlow
Summary: Some things are just beyond explanation





	Roped in

I don't get paid enough, Ianto repeated in his head. I. Do. Not. Get. Paid. Enough.

There was a mystery signal emanating from Caerphilly Castle. He'd thought it would be a nice drive though the Welsh countryside, and a day out of the dank, dark hub. Now, standing on the banks as the castle loomed tall above his head, he was starting to wonder if there wasn't merit in monotonous filing.

Jack was still rifling through the back of the SUV, whilst Ianto was holding the very heavy coil of rope on his arm. He had a mind to put it down on the grass while he waited, but surely the moment he did, Jack will have found what he was looking for. Instead, he kept his eye on the thing they'd come here in search of. It wasn't at all hard to find, floating in the middle of the castle's moat, and it didn't look to be going anywhere. No surprises there, he thought, all things considered.

'I know it's in here somewhere,' Jack's muffled voice issued from the trunk. This was what happened when they got busy, Ianto bemoaned. Things didn't get packed away how they should, and you wasted precious time trying to find them, not even sure if they were actually there. Lucky this wasn't a real crisis.

'Ah ha! Found it,' Jack declared, thrusting the grappling hook in the air like a victor's trophy. 'Hand me that rope.'

Ianto began unspooling the thick rope so that Jack could attach the hook to the end. Once he was done, he took the end confidently in hand and began swinging it around. Ianto had misgivings about this. It was one thing to say they could get to it, but another witnessing Jack in the attempt.

'Be careful you don't hit it.'

'It'll be fine,' Jack reassured him. 'I only need to snag the edge. I won't go anywhere near the goat.'

A goat on a boat, in a moat. I don't get paid enough.

Somehow Jack stayed true to his word and the grappling hook flew elegantly across the expanse of water, coming to rest near the bow, and he gave it a quick tug to get it snug under the woodwork.

'Easy part done. Now help me pull her in,' he instructed.

The pair of them grabbed the rope and worked hand over hand to draw the wooden vessel toward the shore.

As it came closer, Ianto got a better look at the boat's occupant. It was indeed your average garden variety goat, sitting there amiably as if it had not a care in the world, and were merely out for a leisurely punt.

As the boat finally came to rest up on the bank, they pulled it up and out of the water, their goat companion leaping off onto the fresh grass, keen to take a taste of it.

That's when Ianto spied the remaining contents of the boat. It had been hard to tell from a distance, but he'd been positive that his eyes had been playing tricks on him. It wasn't what he thought it was, surely. As the boat had gotten closer, his suspicions had grown, until now when it was finally confirmed.

'Oh no. That's not,'

'I believe it is,' Jack replied grinning.

I don't get paid enough. Ianto repeated in his head again.

'If you're telling me that Dr Seuss is coming through the rift, I'm going on a very, very long vacation. I'm not chasing a bloody cat in a hat around Cardiff. End of.'

'Don't be silly, Ianto,' Jack said, picking up the plate from where it was lying in the boat. 'Green eggs and ham are a delicacy on at least a dozen worlds I know of. Admittedly, the rest is a bit difficult to explain, but the food is perfectly normal.'


End file.
